i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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