McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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