Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
