i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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