I wannas sexs uuuuu
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize