This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I party with great urgency now.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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