I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
