So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
