why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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