So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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