I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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