I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
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