i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
