Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
