Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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