hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
PANTIES FOUND
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