But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
