Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
