But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you win again, gameday.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
