I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
