the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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