Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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