I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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