um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
