Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
