i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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