speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
