on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
