I wish I could punch you in the face.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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