My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
