i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
