Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
