Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
