I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize