Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
