I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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