Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
