How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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