One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
