once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
