I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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