M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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