i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
