she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Banned from zoo.
Again?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
