I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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