I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
This gyro tastes like lonliness
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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