Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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