I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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