In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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