i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
