The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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