the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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