I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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