I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
