my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Operation Purity has been aborted
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
