He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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