so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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