I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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