Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
