i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
