Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
