So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
