Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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