Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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