Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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